TITRE : That Little Secret of Yours
AUTEUR : TidalWave
FEEDBACK : Definitely needed and greatly appreciated. TidalWave@wanadoo.fr
RATING : NC-17
DISCLAIMER : Faith, Buffy et tous les autres personnages appartiennent à Joss Whedon, WB, etc.
RESUME : Takes place during "The Zeppo" and after. Except that Angel never came back from Hell. Buffy is therefore less sad and heavy moody. She and Faith are spending lots of patrolling time together like they were in the beginning of the season before the "Revelations" fight and tension that broke the bond (which in my fic never happened of course, Angel not being here).

PARTS 1-2   PARTS 3-5

PART 1

Buffy's pace was very rapid as she was heading to Faith’s motel. The Sisterhood of Jhe were about to unleash an apocalypse and they were gonna need Faith soon for the coming fight. She was on the passage leading to Faith’s room, almost at her door when that one opened and Buffy instinctively stepped backwards and on her left, hiding without knowing why, in between Faith’s room and the neighbours'. She listened.

“That was great. I gotta shower.”

Buffy frowned with curiosity; it was Faith, her tone betraying the exact opposite of what she’d just said. The door closed immediately, almost slamming. Buffy took a quick glance and hid again; she couldn't believe what she’d just seen, or rather who she’d just seen.

She started wondering and the surprise was very fast replaced by sadness that she didn’t know the origin of, and then jealousy...

She felt jealous and then confused about her jealousy. She’d always been Xander’s slayer, Xander’s crush since she arrived, there had been Cordelia but in her mind; he’d always been in love with her and though she never cared about him that way it still bugged her. But what was disturbing her the most was that she felt jealous of Xander as well.

Thoughts of Faith being her friend, Faith and the others barely spent a few evenings together, it was most of the time her and Faith, and despite the fact that she kept telling the others to be less reluctant towards the brunette slayer she knew she liked the fact that they were just two of a kind. And she didn’t really like sharing her with the others.

These thoughts were crowding her mind when she realized Xander had started his engine and left. She was still in her thoughts and began to walk away when she noticed the little light on the opened little window from Faith’s bathroom. She went under it and remained a short while there, hearing the water run. Then it stopped. Buffy frowned, she moved closer and remained a short while frozen when she was sure of what she could hear; Faith was crying. That fact froze Buffy’s blood, she shook her head and walked towards Faith’s door. She slowly opened it and walked silently to the bathroom. She could guess Faith’s silhouette through the Plexiglas door around the shower, Faith was either squatting or sitting, Buffy wasn’t too sure but what she was sure of was that Faith really was crying. Buffy knocked on the bathroom’s door, Faith immediately got up and Buffy very fast started to talk before the brunette could worry about who it was, “Faith, you in there?” She innocently said.

“Yeah in the shower, what are you doing there B?” Faith replied with her most natural tone.

“Looking for you? Can I step closer?”

“Don’t move, I’m coming out.”

Faith stretched her hand to take her towel and stepped outside of the bathroom. Buffy realized she’d gulped at the sight of the almost naked brunette but she focused her attention on Faith’s face.

“Were you crying?”

Faith looked at her in surprise and laughed, “Me? Crying? What are ya on today?”

Faith was acting very naturally but she looked aside then turned around to take another towel for her hair, Buffy smiled too, “Yes of course, don’t know why-“

“So the fury sisters are up I guess, ‘bout time.”

Buffy smiled, “Well, I’d have preferred they stay asleep.”

“Come on B, last night in the cave was wicked funny!”

“If you say so, anyway you’re ready? I mean you’re ok to come? I mean after you’ll get dressed, you... don’t have any plans, do you? I mean you weren’t- I mean what were you doing before I came in?”

Faith looked at her suspiciously for a while then smiled again with her natural seductive smile,
“Obviously showering... otherwise waiting for you to call me for the fight... wasn’t counting on a personal visit, but that’s pretty fine by me too.”

Buffy smiled then frowned,
“Wait, you shower just before going into a fight?”

Faith looked up for a minute as to think, “Well...I do shower afterwards too but well... who knows? Each time could be our last fight... If I die, I wanna be clean.”

Buffy smiled then they both laughed, Buffy left the bathroom.

“I’ll be waiting for you outside.”

“’K, coming in a minute.”

~~~~

“Is it... gone?”

“I think it is. We’ve pushed back the apocalypse one more time.”

The librarian helped Willow to get up as he said that, the redhead was slightly shaking.

“Great, no cause, I was feeling......I am ok you know… just need a week or two at the hospital and then, brand new.”

Giles gave her a knowing smile. ,

Buffy got up in her turn, “You’ve been wonderful Willow; you’ve all been prodigiously admirable.”

Buffy's lip was cut; Giles gave her a proud smile, “You’ve been very courageous too, Buffy.”

“Yes, but it’s my job.”

“And mine. When is someone gonna tell me how extraordinary I’ve been.”

Buffy rushed to Faith who had been pushed against a cupboard during the last attack and was under a pile of wooden bits. Buffy helped her with a smile, “You’ve been great, Faith.”

“Great? That’s all I get? Hey if I had not jumped on that beasty, Red would've never cast her spell correctly.”

Buffy smiled even more, “We wouldn’t have done it without you Faith you know that, you were incredible, as always... I mean, when you fight, you are, I mean, you know what I mean.”

Faith smiled then cleaned herself, she grimaced, “Ouch.”

“Are you hurt?” Buffy queried, with worries.

“T’s ok, probably a rib or something... it’ll be gone tomorrow... after a good sleeping night, or sleeping day considering the time it is. So people, guess I leave you now, that was fun ‘night guys.”

“Faith, wait?”

Faith turned around, “Yes?”

“Nothing, just gonna walk you home, make sure you’re ok.”

“Told you B, t’s ok I’m fine.”

“I need a walk anyway.”

Buffy looked at Giles and Willow.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, have a rest”

She winked at them and she and Faith headed to the exit.

They talked a lot about the battle once outside of the library but slowly a silence took hold of their walk and they remained very quiet for most part of the way to Faith’s motel. Buffy wanted to speak to Faith but didn’t really know what to say. Faith could feel Buffy’s hesitations but didn't really understand what was on the blonde’s mind so she kept it quiet too... not much of a talker so that was fine by her.

Faith opened her door; Buffy kept following instead of saying goodnight, she still didn't begin the talk so Faith kept acting normally, without saying anything either.

They entered the room. Faith got rid of her jacket and shoes and observed Buffy a little bit. The blonde didn’t seem comfortable.

“Something you want B?”

“Err no.”

Buffy looked aside, her eyes fell on the bed, still rumpled. Buffy immediately looked the other way. Faith noticed and frowned, “Not feeling sleepy tonight I guess.”

Buffy frowned, “Huh?”

Faith smiled, “Yes, I mean, with you not going home and all, not that I mind... at all, I mean if you wanna stay here for the night it’s no prob for me B.”

Buffy unwillingly blushed, “Err no, I mean in fact I- I’m gonna get home but I-“

Buffy cleared her throat and tried to sound more serious.

“Listen Faith I-. I have to admit something; I saw you, I mean I was there when... when Xander got out- I know.”

Faith sighed, “I see.”

She went to her bedside table to take off her rings and earrings and put them on then turned around to look at Buffy.

“Look Buffy I know he’s your friend I- I honestly didn’t mean to do it with him because of this... I know you think I used him too like the others but well... ok I did, but I didn’t mean too, I'm sorry so don’t jump on my-“

“No it’s ok.”

Faith looked surprised.

“I mean, it’s not ok for him because he probably meant more to it than this, but he’s a big boy and I think he’s figured it out and I’m not worried for him... I’m worried for you actually.”

“That’s new. And what for?”

“You tell me.”

Buffy stared at Faith with an intense piercing gaze. Faith wasn’t used to that but she even had to divert her gaze from the blonde’s, pretending to arrange some clothes on her drawer.

“I’m five by five, you know me. He kind of picked me up after a fight with one of these demons and I kind of was... wild and high by the fight, you know. I needed to let steam off, sorry that it was him but it wasn’t a defined choice, it just happened... had fun for a while, I’m ok Buffy really.“

“Funny things that happened... It’s just that... you don’t seem that ok. And when I came you didn’t seem to have had that much fun.”

“Well, he was a virgin so...” Faith sarcastically replied.

Buffy couldn’t help a smile that Faith gave back. The brunette took on before Buffy could say any more things,
“I’m completely ok, you know him better than me, he’ll be cool too so we’re all cool, ok? I think you should go home now... because I won’t go to school in your place if you can’t get out of your bed, you know.”

Faith was smiling but the tone didn’t let room for anymore questioning, Buffy knew it, she smiled to her.

“Ok then... See you later Faith. Good night and take care.”

"Ya, you too blondie.”

Buffy waved and left. Faith remained a while thoughtful and wondering about Buffy’s questions and interest before going to bed.

PART 1

Buffy was somewhat absent minded at school the next day, not really focused though doing her best not to let the others notice. She acted a bit weirdly with Xander, looking at him more than usually, he noticed. It was the afternoon break, they were in the courtyard, Willow left for the restroom.

“So what’s wrong?” He finally asked.

Buffy gave a jump, “What?”

“I don’t know, looks like you wanna ask something or maybe I grew horns but... did I?”

He began checking his head and that made her smile, then she looked more serious and he listened.

“Xander I- Well it’s not my business I know but... well yesterday I-I kind of saw you going out of Faith’s room.”

He looked embarrassed and she very fast added, “I’m not gonna say anything you know... to anyone, just, I wanted to tell you that I knew.”

“Ok.”

He remained silent.

“Well in fact I’d like to ask you some details about it.”

He raised his brows suspiciously.

“No, I mean not details about it, more about Faith, I mean, how she acted?”

“What do you mean exactly?”

“Well, was she... was she ok?”

“I don’t really understand that question Buffy, I understand the words but really not the meaning, sure she was ok. Well ok is maybe not the word to describe her; too bland for her, but what do you want to know?”

Buffy looked embarrassed, she didn’t really know what to ask, she even wasn’t sure about what she was looking for.

“I don’t know, I talked with her right after and she didn’t look fine that’s all.”

He looked hopeful, “You talked? Did she say something about me?”

“Err, not really, she just said it was just-“ Buffy trailed off.

“Just that I happened to be there, right? Nothing serious, I’d already get that anyway, was hoping that maybe... but I guess not. Not that bad after all and... it was rather cool.”

He gave her a goofy smile and she slightly smiled too.

“Glad that you take it that way, don’t be mad at her, she didn’t mean wrong, you know.”

“Yeah, she was just wild, unbridled.”

Buffy looked interested, “So what did she do? I mean this is how it happened? How exactly?”

“Well Buffy, I’m sorry but you’re right; this really isn’t your business."

Buffy could tell in Xander’s voice that he was disappointed all the same and a bit sad, but she couldn’t help having this thing, this bad feeling inside of her telling her she needed answers.

“I’m sorry Xander, I know it’s not easy for you but I really think there’s something wrong and you could help. Just, how did she act?”

“What can I tell you Buffy? That she threw me on the bed?”

“She did?”

Xander looked a bit exasperated, “Are these the kind of details you want? Sounds kind of sick to me Buff do you know that? Ok she jumped on me and led the dance that’s all I’m gonna say.”

Buffy remained calm and very resolute, “She remained on top of you all the time?”

Xander looked annoyed and embarrassed but Buffy’s serious tone kept him calm.

“Yes, I tried twice to turn her around and switch position, you know, but my move wasn’t really welcomed, I barely touched her, she really led the dance all the way.”

Buffy looked thoughtful, “She didn’t let you touch her.” she spoke almost to herself.

Xander took his bag.

“Well now if it’s ok detective I gotta go, next time I sleep with Faith, I’ll video it.”

He left, not very pleased, but Buffy knew he wouldn’t hold a grudge against her for that since he was in fact madder to know that it really wasn’t more than a one night stand.

Buffy was even more thoughtful during the last classes, she decided to go see Faith right after the end of school.

~~~~

She knocked at her door.

“Ya who’s there?”

“It’s me.”

The door opened, “B?”

Faith stepped aside to let the blonde in.

“What are you doing here, wasn’t expecting to see you that soon, not that I mind but, don’t you have school today... err it’s over already?”

Buffy looked all around, Faith was barely dressed; she hadn't been up since long obviously.

Buffy smiled, “Yeah, it’s kind of the end of the afternoon for the update.”

Faith raised her brows carelessly, “Yeah.”

She sat on her bed to put her boots while adding, “Gotta problem? Some beasties to kill, I’m ready.”

Buffy smiled, “No, no fight. I just wanted to talk to you a bit.”

Faith looked aside already not liking the talk already, she gave her a fake interested smile,
“So? What do you wanna talk about?”

“I talked to Xander today.”

Faith got up from the bed looking mad,
“Can’t you just mind your own business Buffy, now he’s gonna feel real bad... and when you’re at it tell Red the whole thing too so that I’ll sure get the best of her feelings for me... at least now I’d know why.”

“I didn’t do that. He’s my friend, I preferred that he knew th-“

“Yes he’s your friend but he’s also not a kid anymore. Look I won’t touch him again ok? Don’t worry for him, you should have said nothing.”

“I’m not worried for him.”

Faith sighed, “What now? Thought I told you yesterday I was fine. So again, I am. Now you gotta let this story fade away by itself, ok?”

“No.”

Faith sighed in exasperation but Buffy took on before the brunette could say anything,
“And it’s not about that specific story, it’s about you. You keep pretending that you’re ok but I know you Faith. It’s just like when you came here, you pretended that you were five by five but you really weren’t. I wasn’t either at the time and I can say that I’m much better today; it’s in big part thanks to you. It has been kind of a change of mind for me and a real help having you beside me. I’m better... I don’t think you are.”

Faith looked at her very seriously, “Listen Buffy I’m cool, of course I still think about my watcher but life goes on, I’m fine.”

“I don’t mean about your watcher, not only that at least, I mean about your life... all the things you’re not saying... there’s something you’re- the way you act with boys, you don’t let them get close both sentimentally and physically and-“

“Stop Buffy, I’ve listened to you now your turn; you probably don’t mean wrong and I appreciate the thoughts but you’re gonna stop right now. Whether you’re right or not, the things I’m not saying; I don’t wanna say them, and you’re not gonna change that, so please stop trying to get the dirt on top, leave it under the carpet, will you? There’s nothing I wanna talk about with you or with anyone else.”

Buffy was upset but Faith’s tone was very clear.

Buffy swallowed, “I’m sorry, didn’t mean to- I just thought that... we were close, closer now and that... we could share some stuff, you know.”

Faith still look very calm, “I don’t think you’re ready for what I’d like to share with you Buffy.”

Buffy was too caught up on the whole conversation to note the ambiguous meaning of this sentence.

“Ok, I won’t talk about it or Xander anymore, didn’t mean to bother you. I’m your friend you know, I really am. Just wanted you to know it’s not only for the slaying, we’re two of a kind Faith and I’m feeling that bond more and more so just know that... I’m here for you, if I can do anything to help you.”

Faith’s gaze was already softer, “You already did.”

Buffy frowned, unconvinced, “Yeah, apart from pissing you off I don’t see what I did.”

Faith smiled, “You cared. You care.” She calmly said.

Buffy stared at her.

“This is more than anyone as ever did for me.”

Buffy smiled at her and finally left, trying to erase the thoughts crowding her mind.

~~~~

Several days went by. They forgot about any deep talk and focused only on slaying and having fun. They kept spending more and more time together, and not only in cemeteries, to Willow’s growing disappointment. Giles beeped Buffy while she was in a dancing frenzy, it was about a possible gathering of Eliminati which she and Faith had fought the night before in the sewer.

Both girls went there and found them, Faith insisted on taking them now therefore broke into the armourer’s, Buffy willingly followed until some cops arrived and arrested them. Faith convinced her to get free.

“Come on! B come on!!”

Faith moved backwards to take Buffy’s hand and dragged her away from the broken police car. They ran to Faith’s motel. Faith got rid of her jacket and went to wash her hand when she came back Buffy still looked shocked.

“It’s over now, they’re gonna be fine just relax.” Faith sounded very casual.

“Relax? Relax!”

Faith looked aside, bothered, but remained silent.

“Are you mad? It’s far from fine, we could’ve killed them, you could’ve- God I can’t believe I did all of that.”

“Yeah, well you’ll know for next time.” Faith just said, without putting too much emotion in it and without looking at her.

Buffy remained silent for a while, observing Faith. The brunette didn’t look like someone who doesn't care, she rather looked very upset but remained silent as if waiting for Buffy to either keep on yelling at her or go away.

Buffy sighed, “What is wrong with you Faith? Why don’t you tell me something? I don’t think you’re really happy about tonight either so talk to me, are you trying to make me walk away or something, is that it?”

Faith looked aside, swallowing but remained still sitting silently on her bed.

Buffy shook her head negatively, “I thought we were... Can I... Will I ever reach you Faith?”

Faith looked up at Buffy, surprised and touched by the words she used and the sincerity in her voice and also a slight despair.

“I really want to be your friend but you... don’t want me in I guess.”

Buffy moved backwards to the door, Faith couldn’t help but finally getting up, “No Buffy don’t go.”

Suite PARTS 3-5