TITRE : Choices
AUTEUR : TidalWave
FEEDBACK : TidalWave@wanadoo.fr Definitely needed and greatly appreciated as English is my second language and I also love to read feedback...
RATING : NC-17
DISCLAIMER : Belongs to Joss, Mutant Enemy, etc.
RESUME : A year after "Chosen". Lots of the Slayers went back to their hometown. The gang first started the research for other Slayers and progressively let the task to Giles, Xander and Anya, running it from England where Dawn helps them while she continues her studies. Faith, Kennedy and some ex-potentials are travelling a lot, in groups or alone each time they heard of a demon nest or something. Faith, Kennedy, Vi, and 2 others have spent lots of time in Cleveland the last four months as the hellmouth there had been very active. Buffy and Willow helping them a lot too but progressively the two friends have been more or less settling a bit in LA at the Hyperion with the LA team, as this one is running from here the second 'front' regarding the research for Slayers, they're a great help thanks to the ressources of Wolfram and Hart. Faith and Kennedy are coming back from one of they're nth travel there...

PART 1

"We're back!" Kennedy yelled as she and Faith entered the Hyperion after a three weeks stay in Cleveland.

"Warriors are hungry!" Faith added jokingly as they both stepped in.

Lorne came and hugged them. Willow and Fred came out from the office together.

"Hi honey!" Willow said.

Moving towards her girlfriend she gave her a quick kiss on the cheek and stepped aside a bit. Looking at Faith she asked them both:

"So how has it been?"

"Well wicked funny." Faith said, a bit surprised by Willow's little kiss to Kennedy and even more by Kennedy's bare frown about it.

"Didn't Buffy say anything to you guys, she's here right?" Faith asked in addition.

"Yes she told us when she came back last week."

"So, another hellmouth's down, wow, you guys are really superstrong." Fred said innocently, making Willow smiled at her.

"Yeah, superstrong, that's us." Kennedy replied a bit blasé.

"Wasn't hard, 5 Slayers, and no Sunnydale hellmouth. Anyway, it's not totally close in fact but Vi decide she'd stay there, she's kind of met someone last month and well you know… anyway, one Slayer there is enough now."

"Where are you going next?" Fred asked.

"Well dunno, right now I wanna shower." Kennedy said looking at Willow intensely.

"Er yes, ok, I-I gotta finish some research with Fred and I'm upstairs ok?" Willow said.

Kennedy moved closer, took her by the waist and pulled her into a kiss, she pulled away and headed to the stairs.

"Do as you please babe." she said very casually and left.

"Where are the guys?"

"Gunn and Wes are chasing down a demon in the sewer."

"These two really like to get dirty."

"What about B and Angel, getting dirty too-"

"Faith!"

"Oops." Faith said as she turned around, Angel and Buffy were going down the stairs.

"We were upstairs."

Faith looked at them as if she was waiting for some more information.

"What?" Buffy asked her with a smart smile.

"Ah, nothing." Faith replied giving her back her smile.

They looked at each other for a while, knowing.

"Anyway, what's your next plan Faith?"

"Dunno, will call Giles tonight, see if he knows were the trouble is, cause that's where I gotta be then." she said with a wicked smile.

Buffy smiled even more.

"You bet."

"Anyway, going upstairs, gotta shower too."

Faith left, as she walked in the corridor she spotted Kennedy closing her door, leaning against the wall just beside and taking a cig out of her pack, lightening it.

"That's really a bad habit I gave you." she said as she walked closer.

Kennedy looked at the cig.

"Yeah right, take it back." she said as she handed Faith the cig, which she took of course, they both smiled.

"So what's wrong?"

"Oh nothing, just waiting for the water to fill the bath tube. Should've taken a cold shower seeing the state I'm in, but hey! wanted a bath." she raised her shoulders, Faith exhaled the smoke with a smile and went on:

"I meant, between the two of you, I mean, I don't remember you leaving on a quarrel but I may be wrong?"

"No, no everything's fine. In fact I left on a killing sex night. I mean I'm not kidding, I can't remember coming that often than last night I spent with her. Thought she was gonna kill me."

"That's poetry." Faith shrugged.

Kennedy smiled but the smile slowly turned into a more bitter one.

"Yes, that's what we do. Make love, have sex whatever, I leave, I fight, I come back a day or two or more, more sex and I leave again... that's just what we've been doing in fact since... long."

"Why don't you talk to her?"

"To say what?"

"It's bothering you, something, I don't know."

"The thing is that... it's not, I mean sure, it's not how I'd considered our life at first but... I wasn't a Slayer then."

Faith looked at her, silently, like she could understand all the meaning. Kennedy took the cig Faith gave her back and took a puff of it and exhaled.

"The only thing bothering is... her, it's not right for her, not good."

"Is this why you're never saying anything about her and Fred working together that often. At first I thought I was just seeing the bad everywhere but then at one point I started to think you were blind or just plain naive but... I guess you're not."

Kennedy exhaled another puff and smiled at Faith, frowning.

"Will it make it easier?" Faith asked

"Probably."

They looked at each other, knowing. And Kennedy opened her door again.

"Think it's full now."

Faith nodded and started to move.

"Good night."

"Night Faith."

"Hey Faith! Hello!" Buffy said as she entered the room after no response to her knocking on Faith's door.

"You’re in there somewh-oh oops sorry I’m-"

She meant to leave as Faith was only covered by a very short towel as she headed from the bathroom.

"It’s ok B. What? You never seen a woman naked before?" Faith asked her.

"You’re not naked Faith and it’s not-"

Buffy’s jaws dropped as Faith’s towel did the same.

"Now I’m naked. So what you want B?" Faith asked very naturally.

"Er I-no-I-I"

Buffy was trying hard not to look at Faith’s body, so hard that she couldn’t concentrate on a coherent sentence to say. Faith laughed and headed towards her bed on which she took her night short and top. She put them on.

"So?" she asked again as she sat on the bed, back against the wall.

"Er, I just came in to see how-how you were doing."

"I’m fine, what about you sister, spent a nice restful week with your Angel?"

"My An-no you just, we fought some demons and just the usual stuff."

"Huh huh, so… are you planing on staying… here… permanently?" Faith asked very slowly, not looking at Buffy who suddenly looked bad at ease.

"Er, well I don’t know really, not sure."

She looked annoyed by the fact of not knowing, and serious also. Faith sat up straight.

"Anyway, no big deal, you’ll just do whatever you want. It’s not like you didn’t have a choice now don't you?"

"Yes, the choice."

Buffy smiled as lightly as Faith.

"Well I guess I’m gonna leave you now, you must be tired."

"Well you know me, could go for another round, but ain’t got not player with me so." she said looking at her intensely before adding as Buffy lowered her gaze, blushing slightly.

"-guess I’m gonna take a nap instead."

"Ok, good night Faith, see you tomorrow."

"Night B."

Buffy closed the door behind her and headed towards her room.

PART 2

"Yes yes this one, try this one." Willow told Fred as she was searching through websites.

They were both sitting very close as they were working on the computer. They’d been working for several hours now.

"Well, click on this window, yes the one on the right."

Willow was very excited, just like each time she was about to conclude a big research. Fred was as excited.

"Lemme see this one." Willow said as she reached out her hand to use the mouse.

Fred’s hand was still on it, both girls looked at themselves, blushing, a bit embarrassed when Willow’s hand laid on Fred’s.

"Er you think it might be something useful?" Fred said cutting the silence.

"What?" Willow asked in surprise.

Fred slowly took her hand away.

"This one." Fred added showing the new window that just opened.

Willow turned her head toward the screen again.

"Er, yes looks like we're close."

"Would be a plus, I mean not that I don't like it, I mean working, with you, for the research I mean but maybe, I don't know, it's late, you're probably waited, you should go upstairs."

"Oh, yes, er no, I mean-"

Willow looked at the clock.

"-No it's ok, I like it here, I mean, she's probably asleep already or, well I wanna finish this, I prefer." Willow said and added very fast:

"'Unless of course it's late you wann-"

"No no it's ok, I prefer to finish it too." Fred nicely said.

"Fine." Willow said with a gentle smile that Fred returned, and they searched through the web and some books as well for 2 more hours.

It was 3 a.m when Willow entered her and Kennedy's room. The Slayer was turned on her side. Willow crept into the sheets, carefully, trying not to wake her up. She turned herself toward the other side and closed her eyes. Kennedy opened hers and stared at the wall for a very long moment before closing them anew.

Kennedy woke up a few hours later and turned around. She looked at the sleepy redhead beside her and put her hand on her wrist and let it run up to her naked shoulder then went to her nape. A slight moan from Willow made her smile and she moved closer, kissed her shoulder while her hand was now wandering on the witch's stomach, her hand reached her crotch and she very gently pressed her fingers against the fabric of Willow's pajama. Some more moans and Willow turned around, Kennedy kissed her, then moving down she licked her neck while Willow put her arms around her nape. Kennedy was placing herself more on top of Willow and her hand was searching the hem of her pajama, once she found it.

"Kennedy I just-" Willow stopped when Kennedy looked at her.

"Yes?" she asked.

Willow was a bit disturbed by Kennedy's gaze at her.

"I-I mean, I just, I'm just, I'm a bit-"

"-tired." Kennedy ended in a stoic way, removing her hand from Willow's pajama.

She moved aside without a word, Willow lifted herself and put her arms on Kennedy's shoulders trying to get her to stay close.

"I mean it's just, it's early you know, me, not a morning girl, but why don't we stay here, snuggling together and later... it's very early and I went to bed late."

She realised this probably wasn't the best thing to say by Kennedy's look at her.

"Yeah I know that."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean, really wanted to finish this research thing, you know me."

"Yeah I do." Kennedy replied glancing.

"I'm sorry, did you wait for me?"

Kennedy looked at her, then smiled, a nice smile, she moved closer and kissed her on the lips then pulled away and got up.

"Don't worry, not a thing I do any longer." not said nastily but still felt like a bitter knife stuck into Willow's heart, at least in her mind.

These words kept echoing in Willow's head long after Kennedy left the room -to go to the training room- as she added before leaving.

"Ouch!" Faith said as she landed heavily on the floor on her back after Buffy tripped her of her feet, she immediately got up and punched her in the stomach, causing the blonde Slayer to stumble, but immediately following it with a punch of her own and a kick that made Faith move backward a few steps. Faith threw herself onto Buffy who stumbled and fell under the aggressive attack, Faith was on top of her, straddling her, blocking her arms on both side of her head.

"So did I get you tired enough to sleep now B?" she said in between two breath.

Buffy lifted her legs and squeezed them around Faith's waist and threw all her strength on the side, pulling Faith off her in the process, she was now on top of the brunette Slayer, same position Faith previously was with her.

"Not nearly enough."

They were both breathing heavily, Buffy realised Faith's arms were limp under her strong grip, she noticed the way the brunette Slayer was looking at her and Buffy's gaze dwelved on Faith's lips for a short while before she looked aside ashamed, hopeful no one (even her own subconscious noticed this), she realised Faith's look was as much lost in her own face as she'd previously lost hers in Faith's lips, she shook her head once more as she'd just looked at Faith's cleavage without noticing. She looked at Faith once more to check that she didn't notice but Faith's gaze wasn't lost anymore, she was smiling wickedly at Buffy's wandering gaze on her body. It was enough distraction for Faith to take once more the upper hand and reverse position once more.

"Then just wait a little, I've got so much more in store for you."

Suddenly her and Faith's battle tease made Buffy uncomfortable, she was feeling this bowl at the pit of her stomach, and this rush of blood pumping from her every vein and rushing towards that same place in between her legs, threatening to explode very soon, and this state made her bad at ease and it was almost hurting. Suddenly every part of Faith's body was like it was hurting, it was going inside of her with the very little movements Faith was making. And Faith's penetrating dark gaze was suddenly unbearable, Buffy moved herself away very fast.

"Well yes in fact I think now, I could get some rest, now, it's ok, thanks for, the training, I-I gotta go."

Faith lifted her hand.

"Yeah whatever, good night B, hope you'll make sweet dreams."

She said the last words with emphasis. Buffy closed the door and Faith got longer on her back, sighing.

"Oh God!"

She stretched out her hands like she was making a cross, except her legs a bit too spread and bent for a cross. She, too, felt this bowl inside of her, even more than Buffy did.

PART 3

Buffy, after she closed the training room's door, leaned over it, breathing heavily and sighing as she closed her eyes.

"Why don't you let it happen?"

Buffy shot her eyes opened in surprise, it was Kennedy, after a shorty while.

"What are you talking about?" Buffy said all embarrassed.

Kennedy looked all excited and curious and moved closer.

"Oh, maybe it just did, did it?"

"No! no!" Buffy said almost like a prayer.

"See, you know what I'm talking about."

"There's nothing to talk about." Buffy said as she moved a bit aside from the door.

"I see, that's why you and her are getting all sweaty at 7 in the morning."

"It's a normal thing, I-I just couldn't sleep, and so couldn't she so but hey what about you miss I mind everyone's business."

Kennedy smiled at Buffy's attempt to change the subject.

"Well my reasons are much more pathetics and classics, but you, come on, that's an interesting story, you and Faith."

"No me and Faith, there's absolutely no me and Faith, it's just-"

"Faith and you."

"We're just friends."

"Come on Buffy, you're obviously very attracted to her, why don't you admit it?"

"No I'm not."

"Look at you, the state you're in, wow, pretty amazingly worked up, barely could breathe when you went out of the room."

"No, it was the training."

"Hey... Slayer too here Buffy, I know how it works, I know what the slaying does to our hormones, the thing is, there, not the slaying, just the Slayer." Kennedy was mocking a bit Buffy.

"Cut it out! And what if it was right? Yes it's probably a Slayer thing, not enough to 'let it happen' like you say. Not enough."

"The thing is, I've been pretty close to you both this year and I know that, sorry Buffy, but there is much more than a sexual attraction between you, you can keep pretending otherwise, or running back here each time you feel them too much but Buffy... they're here, that you want it or not, the feelings are here." Kennedy said pointing out Buffy's heart.

Buffy put her hand to her head, rubbing it strongly, then she frowned.

"No, no feelings, no. I-I'm tired, gotta go."

"Yeah tired, must be a Sunnydale thing."

Buffy frowned.

"Don't mind." Kennedy said but Buffy actually didn't, she was already on her way back upstairs, into her thoughts.

"Anyway." Kennedy said.

She opened the door and looked at Faith from the top of the stairs she was still lying on the ground like a wreck. Kennedy started to laugh.

"Don't make fun of me K or I'll kick your ass."

Kennedy kept on laughing then she said:

"Don't worry, she'll soon be yours, you've gotten her all wet."

Faith looked at her with a -if-it-wasn't-me-I'd-be-shocked- face.

"Jeez, I really have a bad influence with you don't I? Watch your mouth girl."

"You sure do." Kennedy said smiling and laughing some more.

"Why don't you come downstairs, see if you'll keep on laughing that way?"

Kennedy kept on, Faith smiled, looking at her challenging.

"No, no, very bad idea."

"What's that, afraid to get your ass kicked little girl?"

"No way you can take me, anyway, not the reason, but well, if you're as worked up as blondie there, and seeing that I actually came here to 'unleash' a little frustration, I guess training session could turn into something more naughty, we wouldn't want this, would we?"

Faith laughed as Kennedy said this, a bit teasing.

"Sure, we wouldn't..."

Faith laid herself once more down on her back and before Kennedy closed the door:

"Good cold shower."

Kennedy laughed inwardly.

"Yeah, you too." and she left.

They were downstairs in the hall eating pizza and talking. Buffy, Angel and Faith behind the desk. Gunn and Wesley a bit aside, towards the weapons, checking stuff on them. Willow, Lorne and Fred were talking, sitting on the couch. It was noon, Kennedy arrived cheerfully down the stairs.

"Italy Slayers!"

"What?" Buffy asked.

"Next stop. Sandra, the new found Slayer there seem to have a bit of trouble in her town near Roma and Giles told me there was some mystical energy surrounding the town. Slayer’s new so… we’ll give a hand."

"Giles called you?" Willow asked.

"No, I called him."

Willow lowered her head thinking of Kennedy’s rush to leave back. The others seemed not quite happy either, whereas Kennedy took a bit of pizza and took a piece of it.

"Ok, when?" Faith asked.

"Tomorrow morning, first thing." she replied.

Buffy lowered her head.

"So, who’s in?" Kennedy asked firmly, looking at Willow right after, while Buffy was looking at Faith who stared back.

"Ok, not everybody at the same time." Kennedy added.

Faith shook her head.

"Hum, yes, sure I’m in, you know me."

"Fine. Buffy?" Kennedy asked and Faith was the one staring at her this time.

Buffy looked at her hands, at Angel and back at Faith.

"I-I’m not sure, I’ll see later, maybe."

"Don’t mind, we’ll call you if that’s very big trouble." Faith said as she got up.

"Who’s for more pizzas?" she asked.

"Didn’t say I wouldn’t go." Buffy replied.

"Whatever, do as you please."

"Yeah me." Kennedy replied to the pizza invitation.

"Ok."

Faith went to the kitchen and Kennedy went back upstairs.

"Forgot something."

Willow got up and followed her. She entered the room.

"You didn’t ask me?" Willow asked.

Kennedy understood what she was saying but she didn’t turn around.

"Well I’d figured you’d rather stay here, doing some research, that’s your thing."

"You don’t want to stay here a bit longer this time?" Willow asked, emotions in her voice.

Kennedy turned around.

"Why should I stay here longer than needed?"

"Longer than needed?" Willow repeated a bit incredulously.

"What about us? What about me needing you to stay?" she asked moving closer, with a still incredulous look on her face.

"You do?" Kennedy asked not really hopeful, but rather doubting as she put her hand on Willow’s arms.

Willow moved closer.

"Of course I do."

She caressed the younger girl’s cheek and put her arms around her waist, she moved forward and kissed her.

"Willow."

"Ssh."

The witch silenced her with another kiss as she turned her around slowly as to pulled her down on the bed. She moved on top of her and began to ran her hands on the Slayer’s body causing her to moan slightly. She massaged her breast with her hand and slowly moved the other one downstairs, under Kennedy’s pants. Kennedy let a slight moan out as Willow began to tease her soft spot with her finger.

"See, if you’d coming back to bed this morning, I’d have shown you earlier how much I need you." Willow said in a very sensual tone.

But Kennedy froze. She removed Willow’s hand and pulled her off herself, under the witch puzzled gaze. Kennedy smiled bitterly and they looked at themselves for a while, silent.

"Kennedy, I know things are a bit-"

"It’s over Will."

"What?"

"Someone has to say it, so I do."

"No, no, no one has to, don’t say such things, I-I know that-but- we, you"

Willow couldn’t find her words.

"You see, you know I’m right. I love you Willow-"

"Then don’t do that." Willow said taking her hand.

"But I have nothing to bring to you anymore-"

"You’re wrong."

"-And you’re not bringing me anything anymore."

Willow didn’t know what to say.

"How do we communicate Willow, we make love, you don’t wanna come around the world to fight, cause, this is not your call. But it’s mine, and I wanna do it, I don’t wanna stay here either. You shouldn’t force yourself to come on the hunt with us. Your thing is to do it here. And I don’t wanna force myself to come back here and stay because this is what I am supposed to do due to our relationship. It isn’t what I wanna do. I love you but I can’t bring you what you need, and what I need… is not here."

"You already made your choice didn't you?"

"Please Willow don’t make it harder, you know I’m right, deep down you know. If you don’t because I’m right here in front of you, you know it, each time you pass by her, each time she looks at you with her knowledge craving eyes, each time you brush against her skin involuntarily, each time you get all excited because of a new plan to uncover. This is your world, your thing."

"You saying it’s my fault."

"Willow." Kennedy asked.

Willow lowered her gaze, indeed she knew how she was feeling, she knew, reluctantly that Kennedy was right. They remained silent on the bed a long while. Some tears fell on Willow’s cheek. Kennedy moved forward to wipe them away, Willow looked at her with a gleam in her eyes, almost a plead.

"God this is so hard... Why?" Kennedy said as she hugged her.

Willow held her very tight. Kennedy after a while pulled away a bit and kissed her, a long loving kiss, then she slowly pulled away from Willow’s grip and went away. Willow cried.

PART 4

"That’s gonna be great I’m sure." Kennedy claimed.

"Yeah you think we’ll get a chance to see the Coliseum?" Faith asked slightly randomly.

"Why not? Once the baddies’ down, nothing prevent us from a little trip round the country." Kennedy replied.

They were in the kitchen talking about their next slaying location. Buffy was looking at them thoughtfully.

"So what are you gonna do?" Angel asked her, coming from behind her.

"I don’t know yet, maybe like the other time, give a hand if needed, but I mean, not my call anymore, see, of course I can't quit because that’s a part of me, but I’ve got enough demons to fight in this town, I mean throwing myself, my life completely into the battle, this, isn’t my call anymore, that’s what I meant in fact-"

"Hey Buffy, slow down, you don’t have to justify yourself." Angel said very calmly.

"You’ll just do, honestly, whatever you want, just like she told you."

Buffy looked at Faith intensely.

"Like she said."

Angel put his hand on her shoulder, she looked at him.

"Just do what you really want Buffy." he told her honestly.

She smiled at him and he left back.

"Buffy?"

Buffy gave a jump at Kennedy’s call. The young brunette came closer, her hands in her pockets.

"What’s wrong?"

It's been a bit more than 30 minutes since Kennedy'd left Willow in the room and despite several glances to the hall of the Hyperion she hadn’t seen her going downstairs.

"Nothing, er, have you seen Willow?"

"Yes she just left."

"Left, oh really, where?"

"With Fred, to an old library searching for a book why?"

Kennedy first looked sad but finally smiled a little bit.

"No, nothing, it’s fine."

Buffy shrugged, sure she'd miss something but what, she couldn't tell.

Kennedy spent most of the afternoon in another room she’d taken after removing the few clothes she had, from her and Willow's room. A knock at the door.

"Dead here, let me sleep." she replied ironically.

Buffy entered smiling.

"Why didn’t you say anything?"

"Say what?"

"Willow told me."

"Huh, that, yeah well, not much to say I guess."

"Why did you do that?"

"What did she say?"

"Not much in fact."

"She wasn’t crying, heartbreaking so don’t worry, it really was the right thing to do."

"So when there’s a slight hindrance you give up?" Buffy asked her, trying to make her react as she looked very blasé.

"You’ve known me Buffy for more than a year now. Am I a quitter?"

Buffy nodded negatively.

"Right, but you are a dreamer." Kennedy added.

"What?"

"You always want the love story, well not yours, others, you look for others to live what you refuse to, what you think you can’t have."

"Hey hey, stop shrinking alright?" Buffy told her, slightly uncomfortable.

"Not shrinking, just observing."

"We're talking about you anyway, why-I mean you love her right?"

"Yes I do."

"Then why?"

"Again with the dream part. You think it’s enough, you know it’s not, you loved Angel right? And you love h-"

"Stop!" Buffy exclaimed cutting her.

Kennedy sighed before going on.

"And yet you’re not with any of them, why?"

"It’s more complicated than that."

"Exactly, that’s the same, it’s more complicated than just a question of love. I don’t have anything to bring to her now." she said with emphasis on the now as to prevent Buffy’s reply. "She’s really in her element here, running the second front. See how effective they’ve been here, Wesley, Willow and Fred, this is her place to be. But I am effective on the battlefield, not here and I wanna be on the battlefield. I felt it all my life but when I became a Slayer it took over every other things that made my life. I understand that you wanna step aside of this responsibility and it’s perfectly fair, you’ve done more than enough, but I really don’t want to step aside. Right now this is the only thing I want. Slay, being what I am, a Slayer. I’ve got nothing to offer to her at this stage of my life. She knew it, I knew it, but she wouldn’t have said it, I did and believe me it’s for the best."

Buffy was sitting on the bed beside Kennedy, she sighed and finally lied herself down it. Kennedy propped herself on her elbow to look at Buffy.

"Why is it so complicated?" Buffy sighed.

"Well, it’s not always in fact. Willow and I, not complicated, a decision had to be made that cleared everything, when you’re not honest with yourself then it gets complicated."

"I guess."

"So you’re following us tomorrow?" Kennedy asked.

"I don’t know."

"You want to?"

"Well, you said it, I’m kind of retired, though here lots of demons too, I know I’ll always need to fight, but I don’t have to get into each big battle, I mean you guys are handling yourself more than super."

"Well, everything’s right yes, but I think the question I should’ve asked is more ‘Are you following her?’"

"Please Kennedy don’t talk about Faith again."

"Come on Buffy, let’s be honest. The only reason you’re coming with us here and there it’s because of her and the only reason she’s coming back to the hotel each time is because of you. But this ain’t a game you can play forever, somehow you gotta make up your mind."

"There ain’t any decision I can take."

"You love him?"

"What?" Buffy asked surprised

"Is it because of him you’re reluctant, you come back here, chase the thoughts of her in his arms?"

"What, no- we’re not, you think, no absolutely no, Angel and I haven’t been, it’s- why do you think that?"

"I don’t. Faith does. I haven’t seen enough of you and Angel but for what she says, in your glorious days together, well she says he’s your forever love. She doesn’t feel up to him."

"She says- she thinks that?" Buffy asked a suddenly graver expression on her face.

"Is she wrong?" Kennedy asked raising her eyebrows.

"No, I mean, yes Angel will always remain my great love but... yes you’re right too I’m, I'm kind of a dreamer, thinking of the love we’ve known and therefore pushing back everything that came after him but the thing is, and I know it, it’s over. It’s... I love him but our story is over and I don’t really feel sad about it, I mean, it’s, I always thought we’d get back together cause he will always be my love but let’s face it, it was a first love, a teenage girl love. Not saying it wasn’t the big love it is, but life went by and my heart, my mind, every part of my being has changed and, we can’t live what we've lived anymore, it belongs to the past. So, no really, I’m not clinging to him that way."

"What way then?"

"Don’t know."

"Yes you do." Kennedy continued still pushing her.

"You’re a brat."

"I am but don’t change the subject. You say you know it all but you still hide behind this so-over-love-story. You hide behind Angel to prevent you from loving her."

"I don’t love her." Buffy took offence.

"You refuse to love her, that's different, but the love’s already here, it’s always inside your heart."

"No, no it’s not."

Buffy was saying the words like a wish.

"Is it because of your past together or you can’t forgive her or what?"

"Maybe a bit of everything and maybe the sexual inclination is for something too, just sayin." Buffy said mocking a bit.

"So what?"

"Duh, she’s a girl?" Buffy said like Kennedy was dumb.

"And?" Kennedy asked still naturally.

"What are you, retarded? I’m not a lesbian."

"Was your best friend a lesbian when you met her?"

"It’s different."

"And why?"

"Because." Buffy simply said.

"That's an answer." Kennedy said nodding with a frown.

"I’m not- I don’t think I can, I could, you know…"

"It’s about the sex?"

"Not only this, it’s just completely, I can’t think that, it’s impossible."

"What do you feel when you look at her?"

"I can’t tell, it’s too confusing."

"Because you’re ashamed of it that’s all, you love her."

"No I don’t I-I I can’t, you don’t realise, I can’t be with, I’ve never thought of being with… a woman I don’t know how-what-"

"I never thought of drinking lychy’s tea before Lorne accidentally swapped our drink, and jeez I liked it, I could've hated it, but that's not the point. I’d never knew I liked it or not without trying. And honestly, the smell, the scent was good, just the look, a bit weird and repulsive at first sight but once you’ve tasted it… hum"

"Stop with the analogy, it’s not like tasting new drinks."

"Yes it is."

"It’s about feelings."

"So, you DO have feelings for her, admit it."

"Yes, no, I think, I don’t know. But that’s not a thing I wanna think about anyway. It’s not something that can happen, it can’t."

"You don’t know what you’re missing." Kennedy winked.

"Yeah right." Buffy said frowning almost mockingly.

"Hey, are you? I can’t believe that, so it is really about sex then."

"Absolutely not."

"Yes you’re doubting how terrific it is, aren’t you?"

"It’s not that. I’m sure it is, but I’ve been with men and it was fine and I just don’t see, jeez I prefer not to think about it."

"So I see."

Kennedy moved herself half on top of Buffy.

"Hey what you’re doing!?" Buffy said while trying to push her gently, Kennedy pinned her arms on both side of her head.

"T’s ok relax, not gonna hurt you. Just show you."

Buffy frowned seriously.

"Show me? no, no-no, show me what?" Buffy finally asked.

"Close your eyes." Kennedy just added.

"No."

"Close your eyes, trust me, close your eyes."

Buffy reluctantly closed them, she was slightly shaking in anticipation of what was coming.

"Think about her." Kennedy said in very low voice.

"No!" Buffy exclaimed as she opened her eyes and tried to leave but Kennedy pinned her back onto the mattress with more strength and also putting herself more on top of her, one leg in between Buffy’s.

"Just trust me, close your eyes just a minute Buffy, please." Kennedy told her gently.

Buffy took a deep breath and finally closed her eyes.

"See her, her face, she’s there."

Kennedy ran a finger along Buffy’s jaw, on her cheek, her chin and ran it on her neck, she moved closer and remained a while just breathing into it, moving to her ear, never touching her, just brushing her lips against her skin, her warm breath causing Buffy to shiver. Kennedy kissed her under the ear, licked her neck gently before kissing it. Buffy’s hand almost automatically went into Kennedy’s hair. Kennedy moved her hand slowly from Buffy's wrist, to her arm, caressing it, down to her waist and then she ran her hand up very slowly, barely moving Buffy's top up in the process, until she reached her breast that she massaged gently while keeping on kissing her neck, Buffy let a slight moan and Kennedy's hand began to reverse the path of her hand going down again, she dwelved a bit at her belly to move to her crotch, over her coton short. She moved her lips to meet Buffy's and simply kissed the blonde girl's upper lip, then the lower one and again a soft kiss on the mouth while she gently pressed a finger against Buffy's sensitive spot, still over her short, Buffy moaned, bent her legs slightly and held her grip tighter on Kennedy's hair and back. Buffy's lips parted as Kennedy was still placing soft kisses on her lips, that's when Kennedy abruptly moved aside.

"See. Now get out my bed." she simply said with a smile as Buffy shot her eyes open, trying to understand what had just happened, and trying to get out of her torpor.

She was looking at Kennedy with a shocked face. Kennedy just added:

"Now go find your very own little brunette. She's got much more in store for you and when she'll be finished, I swear you'll take hours to recover."

Buffy frowned then shook her head.

"It-it doesn't prove anything." she said.

Kennedy sighed.

"I don't care, get out now! You do whatever you want now but get out my bed, and my room cause hey! Single now remember? And pretty worked up now so get out fast before I finish you right now." Kennedy said pushing her away.

That made Buffy smiled despite it all, she went to the door, opened it and turned around.

"Kennedy... Thank you."

Kennedy nodded, Buffy added very fast:

"Not that you were right or proved anythin-"

"Out!" Kennedy exclaimed.

Buffy quickly left before getting a shoe thrown at herself. She smiled then looked more thoughtful. She headed downstairs.

PART 5

"Oh hey B!" Faith said enthusiastically as she saw Buffy entering the training room.

Buffy gave a slight smile but her face remained thoughtful.

"Ok, guess you're not here for fun." Faith said as she turned around to put her fighting strips on the cupboard.

"Still training?" Buffy said, not replying to Faith's sentence.

"Yep. Got a certain amount of energy to expend." she replied in blasé tone.

"So I see."

And Buffy was actually really 'seeing', she was looking at Faith and the pearl of sweat that were running down her body, down her back, the tight muscles, the tan skin, glimming with sweat, she got out of her thought when Faith turned around and asked:

"So I guess you're not coming."

"What? Er, no, I mean... I haven't decided yet."

"Huh, so what's with the serious look?"

"I just been thinking, that's all."

"Jeez, that's the end of the world then."

Faith came a bit closer as Buffy smiled and looked at her feet, thoughtful again. Faith looked at her intensely.

"What does he say?"

"Who? Angel, he, well, Why do you ask that?" Buffy asked in a defensive tone.

"Just thought you'd discussed it by now."

"Why should he have anything to do with what I decide?"

"I mean, dunno, don't jump on me, I just assumed that... don't know, you always come back here-"

"Why does everyone assumes that we're back together?!"

"Seems obvious, I mean, that we assume, you always come here, stay with him, it's you and it's him so-"

"We're through." Buffy said.

Faith looked aside for a second.

"You really are?" she asked after a while and Buffy kept staring at her, she really saw Faith's feelings for her in the way she just asked this, unsure, fearful but hopeful, in a fragile and young voice.

And she kept looking at her and she felt her heart raising in her chest, pumping faster and she suddenly needed to take a deep breath. She turned around and Faith looked aside too, trying to hide herself from Buffy's now-seeing-through-her-gaze. But it was all so very obvious for Buffy now, Faith's, as well as her own feelings.

"I can't believe that." Buffy said after a long while and Faith looked at her anew.

"Nevertheless it's true." Faith simply said.

Buffy exhaled. Faith moved closer but Buffy stepped back and Faith did the same, unsure, bad at ease suddenly.

"Kennedy and I just had this very disturbing demonstra-conversation, I mean." Buffy said stopping herself just in time under Faith's questioning gaze.

"What conversation?"

"About love, Angel and... you."

"And?"

"And, nothing, it just, d'you know that they broke up?" Buffy said like she'd suddenly wanted to back away and erase the previous conversation.

"Yeah I know, so what did she tell you that was so disturbing?"

Faith was remaining very calm but not following Buffy's change of subject.

"It wasn't disturbing, no it's just. She seemed so aware of what she wanted, clear about everything and not disturbed at all by her decision."

Buffy stopped.

"She pretty much knows what's going on in her own life and Red's, and I think she's pretty accurate, for now at least, could change but anyway, wasn't talking 'bout her, what is it that you're not clear about?"

"She made me understand that I, I... I was feeling... for you... well... feelings."

Buffy gulped and Faith looked aside for a very short second before riveting her eyes back into Buffy's.

"Is it the moment when I come closer, tell you what I feel for you and we... hug?" Faith asked, trying to sound light but you could hear the emotion in her voice.

"No, no this can't be."

Faith looked at the floor creasing her lips and running her tongue fastly on them before looking at Buffy again, she gulped.

"Faith, I, I said Angel and I are through and we really are, you know that means that I want a new start, this is the past, the life I've led put on my way people I've loved more or less, at least had feelings for but it had always been harsh, violent and painful relationship. You're part of these people Faith, part of these relationships in a way. And I-"

"-It's different, I'm different." Faith said moving closer.

"I know, I really do know but I am too."

"I don't want to start again, I wanna start clean."

"Clean." Faith repeated still moving closer, Buffy wasn't backing away this time.

"It isn't about you, I know the wonderful woman you truly are but I-"

"I'm really not, unless I look in your eyes, then I see myself that way. Otherwise I'm just a trash."

Buffy was taken by a sudden emotion as Faith told the words, with both honesty in her declaration and pain, Buffy moved closer and put her hand on Faith's cheek.

"No you're not, you're really what I said you were, always."

She could feel Faith's breath on her face, she backed away a bit as her heart was pounding so fast. Faith prevented her from going too far though as she put her hands on her waist.

"Faith, I-I don't wanna re-live the past." Buffy said almost sorry.

"Great, because this isn't part of my plan either."

She pulled her closer, Buffy's arms were on her chest, trying with no real strength to gain some distance between the two of them.

"Faith." Buffy said in a last attempt to stop her.

"I wanna build your future."

She gently pressed her lips against Buffy's and slowly their lips parted and they kissed very slowly then more intensely, for a very long while before their hands started to explore each other's back, waists and hair.

"Faith." Buffy said as she gasped for air.

"It's not a game Buffy, I'm not playing this time, really not." she said finding it hard to concentrate on the words as she was both burning with desire for Buffy and completely frightened at the thought of the blonde Slayer running away.

"No, no game."

They kissed again and Faith managed to lie Buffy down the fighting mattress.

"Faith." Buffy said once more.

Faith froze a bit, she thought she'd blew it this time and Buffy was gonna leave, she gulped but pulled herself together to look at her.

"Yes?"

Buffy's hands were on Faith's waist and the other one on her neck, she put a stroke of Faith's hair behind her ear and said, almost whispering, very slowly:

"I have absolutely no idea of what I'm doing right now."

Faith was unsure of the meaning.

"Ok. Do-do you want it?" she asked a voice full of concern.

Buffy caressed her cheek.

"It feels like the rightest thing in my life for years." she said smiling unconsciously and running her hand on Faith's arm.

Faith smiled and kissed her even more, she kissed her neck and slowly began to undress her...

Willow was looking at a mug beside the book she was supposedly reading.

"You know you can go upstairs if you want, I can finish this." Fred told her in a small unsure voice.

"No I'm fine here."

"I mean I know... if you wanna talk to her I mean-"

"No it's ok."

"If you don't feel good I understand."

"I feel just fine." Willow told her smiling at her reassuringly.

"-I think, she's just, she's not a child, she's a great woman, greater than I let her know she was but... anyway, she's right, I believe, the things she said, she's just right, in the end she is."

Fred smiled not totally at ease.

"What did she say exactly?" she asked and Willow looked at her inhaling deeply, staring intensely at her... she didn't reply and Fred looked back at the computer.

"Oh hey! Here it is we found it!" she said all excited, causing Willow to looked at her even more closely in admiration.

"This is probably the thing that's causing all the fuss in Italy!" Fred added then looked at Willow with pride.

Willow smiled.

"Let's find the girls, maybe that'll help Buffy decide whether or not she goes with them. Think Faith's still in the training room?"

"Gonna check."

Fred got up and headed towards the training room. Willow waited a short while but Fred wasn't coming back so she decided to go check in her turn. When she arrived towards the training room, she found Fred, standing straight at the top of it, jaws dropped and her hand still on the door knob, kind of squeezing it, Willow frowned.

"You're ok-oh boy!" she said as she spotted what Fred was looking at.

Downstairs, the two Slayers were naked, making love, carefully, gently touching and caressing, hands roaming slowly up and down and up and down again, exploring every inch of skin on the other's body.

"I think Faith has found too a deciding factor." Fred said very slowly and in a very low voice, her eyes never quitting the Slayer's hands travelling and their kissing.

"This is disturbing." she added, same tone.

She felt two hands on her, starting on her waist to finally end on her stomach, and Willow's body pressing against her back, she gasped and Willow whispered in her ear very softly.

"Too disturbing?"

Fred slowly turned around, closing the training room behind her. She felt it hard to breathe, Willow inches away from her face, she put her hand on her face, running her finger hesitantly on the witch's jaw and chin.

"Disturbing... well kinda familiar territory." the brunette replied, Willow smiled.

"Maybe we could... go upstairs and I could show you-"

"-Tricks and spells, you promised once." Fred cut her before smiling sensually.

"A promise is a promise."

She pulled away a bit and they left hand in hand.

A SUIVRE dans Slayers, Friendship and Loneliness